Posted by: theaarongershfield | March 6, 2008

The Water Cooler Gossip

I promised you the low-down on all of my new co-workers, so here goes.

 Karen Karen is my boss, and the only woman to have made partner so far. She’s fluent in Spanish and goes on annual trips to Spain. She must have a thing for Spaniards because she keeps a collage of photos on her desk of the men she met on her previous trips to Europe.

My Cubemate Randall is my cubemate, and possibly, the most annoying person on the planet. He’s incredibly vain, a blatant womanizer, and more dependent on IM and texting than a 13-year-old girl.

Senior Partner Daniel is Senior Partner at Fair Oaks Law Firm and is known for clipping his toenails at work. Since he keeps his office door open, we also get to be serenaded by his loud snacking habits. I have been told he is a gambling addict as well. There’s a rumor floating around that he once challenged Randall to weightlifting contest in the office gym and lost. He’s been sore about it ever since.

 Lawyer George just recently made Partner at Fair Oaks, and he’s one of the weirdest people I ever met. He types with one hand. No one knows why.

 Lawyer Wallace is the firm’s authority on Commercial Law and can be seen at anytime of the day pacing the breezeway with a cigarette in one hand, a Diet Coke in the other, and his cellphone on his shoulder. I hear the doctors have told him to take it easy, but he seems to function better when the DA’s office is making his blood pressure skyrocket.

 Lawyer Massimo is one of the Lawyers and, like many of the firm’s employees, has a strange affinity for string cheese and meaningless conversation. To make matters worse, he ends nearly every conversation with, “I will have to speak to my lawyers about that,” and then laughs as if it’s a really funny joke. I don’t get it.

 Paralegal Wayne is a Paralegal, but he acts like he’s something special. He orders around the interns like he owns them. His motto is “Keepin’ it sleazy,” and he lives up to it by telling a proliferation of crass jokes everyday.

Jackson I don’t know what Jackson does, but he must be the office stoner. I think he was a hippy once too. He’s always going on about something. I ran into him while he was smoking a blunt in the parking lot at lunch. Somehow I think it’s ironic to have a pothead working at a law firm, but hey, it is California.
 Secretary Renee is our secretary, and she never stops eating. She’s forever wandering around the office complaining, “I’m hungry.” I have never known anyone who ate as much as her. I don’t know where she puts it. She’s also really anal about keeping the microwave clean.

 Intern Aiden is one of our interns, and he seems like a pretty cool guy. I caught him doing air guitar and making twanging sounds in the office kitchen while he was waiting for the microwave to reheat his Egg McMuffin this morning. He made Renee furious by not covering it with a paper towel though.

Mail Courier Blake is our Mail Courier and seems to enjoy being an instigator. He actually rode into the office while still on his bike this morning just to make Wayne angry.

Herald and Alisha I wish I knew what Harold and Alisha did, but all they seem to do is fight with each other. I think a romance might be blooming there.

(Note: These are not actual photos of Fair Oaks Law Firm employees.)

Posted by: theaarongershfield | March 5, 2008

New Job

Chimp Photocopying

Tomorrow will be my first day at Fair Oaks Law Firm, and I am getting pretty psyched. It’s been awhile since I was working at an office, so this could be interesting. I’m wondering what everyone is going to be like. I think I will blog about them tomorrow, you know, describe all of them to you. Don’t worry. I’ll let you all in on the water cooler gossip, and you don’t have to worry about me losing this job. I now understand why photocopying your butt and posting it all over the office is unprofessional. So until tomorrow, this has been Aaron Gershfield! Over and out.

Posted by: theaarongershfield | March 3, 2008

Jobs, Girlfriends, and Musicians

I thought for sure I would meet the qualifications for the job I interviewed for last Friday, but they seemed less than impressed with my job history. It’s no wonder with that lame firing on my record. Just as I was starting to get disappointed this morning and thinking of doing something irrational, like doubt my psychic powers, I got a call from the firm I interviewed for almost two weeks ago. They were really impressed with the initiative I’d shown in college and the confidence and know-how I exuded during my interview, so I got the job! As of Wednesday, I will be employed at Fair Oaks Law Firm. Wish me luck.

In conjunction with this happy news, I also received an answer from my long-standing dinner companion about the two of us being exclusive. It’s official; I now have a girlfriend. Everything seems to be going pretty well in my life right now, and I am really thrilled about the prospects.

In regards to Eric Clapton, he hasn’t even announced whether or not he will perform in North Korea, so as of yet, a tour remains to be seen. As far as future predictions, I predict I will get a promotion at my current law firm within the year and that Mick Jagger will die at the hands of the Hells Angels.

Mick Jagger in Concert

Posted by: theaarongershfield | February 29, 2008

Interviews and Postpartum Blues

I’m really excited about today. I will be going on an interview in about a half hour, and I am really pulling for this one. I desperately need this job, and I fit all of the qualifications, so with any luck, I’ll be starting a new job on Monday.

Although only time will tell whether or not Nicole Richie will be a good mom, I did find this one article that seems to prove she is already headed the wrong direction for the “Mother of the Year” Award. Apparently, she is angry her newborn’s publicity shots grossed less than Anna Nicole Smith’s and Jennifer Lopez’s babies. “A source close to the action said Richie is acting “cheap” and trying to wring every cent she can out of the deal.” (Read more about it in the New York Daily News.)

Eric Clapton in Concert

As far as new predictions, I foresee Eric Clapton not just performing, but touring, in North Korea.

Have a Good One!

Posted by: theaarongershfield | February 28, 2008

On a Roll

I’ve been on point lately as far as predictions go. I was a little off on “Be Kind Rewind.” The movie didn’t exactly bomb, but it is doing worse than average, so I think my prophecy still counts. I am going to keep on predicting and see how many more things I can get right. First off, I predict I will get a job. I’ve really been needing one since I lost mine over two weeks ago. I’ve been doing freelance work to keep myself afloat, but if this keeps up, I might have to move in with friends for awhile. Therefore, I predict this week will be the week I will finally find a job, and I predict that Nicole Richie will make a worse mother than Britney Spears.

Pregnant Nicole Richie

Posted by: theaarongershfield | February 25, 2008

I am a Psychic-Genius

Daniel Day-Lewis:  Best Actor

So on Valentine’s Day, I predicted Daniel Day-Lewis would win the Oscar for Best Actor, and I can’t believe it happened! I was so shocked I flew out of my armchair and yelled at the top of my lungs. I couldn’t believe I’d been right! I actually did it. I predicted the future! I can only imagine what might happen now… I might predict the future of the whole world!

How It Happened

It all started with my disillusionment with Horoscopes. I decided I could do it better than some lame cosmos, so I started predicting my own life and some celebrities’ lives too. I predicted Obama would win Maryland, and he did! Now, Daniel Day-Lewis has won Best Actor. There’s no telling what this could mean. I am either an incredibly lucky man and should begin gambling at once, or I’m a psychic and should change my major. (Yes, I did finally apply to McGeorge, thanks to my family, who loaned me the money for my application fee. Which means…law school was another thing that came true! Waahoo!)

Hello everyone! My name is Aaron Gershfield, and I’m a brilliant, genius psychic!

Posted by: theaarongershfield | February 21, 2008

Prediction Updates

Today has been pretty uneventful. I sent my Monday interviewer a formal thank you note for her time and interest, applied for some other positions, and did some laundry, but other than that… nada. I haven’t applied to McGeorge yet, but it’s an idea that still floating around in the back of my mind.

Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I don’t think Guy Ritchie will or should make a comeback. I haven’t seen him in a major news story in I don’t know how long, so I’m guessing that prediction was a failure from the getgo. If I’d said Hillary Clinton, I might have been onto something.

A friend once recommended an old movie to me (“The Gods Must Be Crazy”), and I conveniently found it OnDemand this week. I have watched about half of it so far, and it’s really started me thinking about perspective, so much so that it has become the catalyst for my next predictions. I predict I will find out something new about an old friend that will surprise me, and I predict that “Be Kind Rewind” will bomb in the box office this weekend.

Be Kind Rewind

Posted by: theaarongershfield | February 19, 2008

The Job Search Continues

Job Searching

So, last week I predicted I would make a mistake that would lead me to my first interview, and although I went on my first one yesterday, I could not pinpoint the mistake I’d made (except, of course, for showing up hung over and without my project reports last Monday). Since getting fired, I’ve been doing some freelance paralegal work, which has at least kept my living situation stable. But even though it’s only been a week, I’ve become discouraged by the lack of opportunities out there for me and have begun seriously considering law school, which leads me to my next prediction: I will soon apply and be accepted to the McGeorge School of Law. I also predict that Guy Ritchie will make a major comeback.

As for my previous predictions, Valentine’s went great, and our relationship might move to the next level once my job situation stabilizes. As for Best Actor Daniel Day-Lewis, only time will tell.

So far, this prediction thing seems to be working about 50% of the time. It will take more time and research to be able to diagnose for sure whether I truly have untapped psychic powers.

Posted by: theaarongershfield | February 14, 2008

Aaron Gershfield: The Fortuneteller

Well, I guess I am something of a soothsayer seeing as how Obama won Maryland. I’ll admit it was a pretty safe bet, but hey, I was right. As for the mistake leading to an interview, I’m pretty sure I did make a couple on Tuesday, but nothing has come of them so far. Maybe I should re-read over my resume to see if I “accidentally” put MBA under my education.

As for my next predictions, I predict that tonight the girl I’ve been seeing will give me a chance and that Daniel Day-Lewis will win Best Actor for “There Will Be Blood.”

Posted by: theaarongershfield | February 12, 2008

Aaron Gershfield Predicts the Future

Obama  So, as some of you know, I’ve decided to ignore all cosmic assistance and predict my own life and others’ lives from here on out. Today, I predict I will make a mistake that will lead me to my first interview. I also predict that Obama will win Maryland.

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