My girlfriend and I just got back from two amazing weeks in the sun, water, and sand on the Queensland coast.  We spent some time in both Cairns and Townsville, and it was incredible.  The reef was more stunning than I could ever have imagined, and the water was so blue and surprisingly warm!  I have never been more surrounded by beauty.  The California coast doesn’t even compare.

I wasn’t sure how comfortable I’d be scuba diving, but it turned out to be great and having Sarah there was definitely the icing on the cake.  We spent some time in Townsville visiting a friend of hers, and they let us bunk with them, which was awesome.  They had this great summer house right near the coast, but not too near all the resort-like places.

Escaping the tourists crowds wasn’t too difficult, cause it was the off season, so we got to experience some real Aussie night life and culture.  Both of us had a great time and would go back in a heartbeat.  I think next time we go, we’ll go during the winter though, so we’ll get to experience a real Aussie summer.

In a previous post, I predicted that Nicole Richie would make a worse mother than Britney Spears, and I have just learned that I could not have been more wrong. According to Harper’s Bazaar, motherhood has transformed the former wild child into a barefoot… mommy. Who would have thunk it? I guess I am no longer the soothsayer I was. All my powers have fled from me and passed to another, but I feel more relief than sorrow over losing them, for the burden of predicting the future had become something of a Sisyphus boulder to my weary mortal body, and now, the weight of having such unequivocal power coupled with such great responsibility has been lifted from me. I relinquish my power willingly.

Signed: Aaron Gershfield, the former Psychic-Genius

So my girlfriend and I have finally decided on a summer getaway destination. We’re going to Australia! To the Queensland coast. I was leaning towards Cairns, but she wanted to visit an old college friend in Townsville, so we we’re going to hit both, spending about a week at each destination. We’ve only been dating about six months and this will be the first trip we’ve taken together, so this could be a very eye-opening experience. Depending on the outcome, the trip could really make or break our relationship. My buddies think I’m losing it, but I think Sarah and I’ve got something. We like hanging out, and the worst that could happen is we find out we have nothing in common and that we hate each other, which we’d eventually figure out anyway, so, not to think like a lawyer, but basically, this trip is risk free and comes with some nice perks: sunshine, fresh air, swimming, scuba diving, and some much-deserved R & R with the girlfriend. I can’t wait to get to The Land Down Under and actually see the Great Barrier Reef in person. (See below.)

So awesome!

Who invented fire escapes and why?

The fire escape was a joint effort between Don Juan and Casanova, who were frequently forced out of bedroom windows whenever their mistresses’ significant others came home unexpectedly. Tired of hanging off building ledges until the coast was clear, the two men decided they needed a back exit. Naturally, they had to cover up the reason behind their invention with a practical name and humanitarian campaigns, which greatly cut into their conjugal visits, but it was well worth it in the end.

Why do turtles move so slow?

Each person and animal on Earth is allotted only a certain number of footsteps for their lifespan. If turtles ran everywhere, they would quickly run out of footsteps and die young. Since they take their time moving, they end up living for a very long time. Although the concept has yet to be scientifically proven, Aaron Gershfield firmly believes the secret to eternal life is to take as few of steps as possible

Why do the days get shorter in winter and longer in summer?

According to Boyle’s law, cold contracts and heat expands, which irrefutably explains why the days are longer in summer than in winter

Why do men get fat after they get married?

Single men have no trouble staying skinny because when they are hungry they go to the fridge, get disgusted with what is in it, and go to bed. Married men go to bed, get disgusted with what is in it, and go to the fridge.

Read these and other Little Known Facts on Aaron Gershfield’s website.

I haven’t talked about myself recently, so I thought I’d fill you in on what’s been going on in my life. My job is going pretty well. They recently re-organized the firm, so I am now working under another lawyer (Daniel) along side Jackson, who I recently realized does investigative work for the firm. I have even been sent on a few research outings and stakeouts with him. It’s not nearly as exciting as they make it seem on tv.

Although my new position is more diverse and gives me a higher profile, I miss Karen, particularly her supervising style and her “man-collection.” I learned a lot from her in the month I worked under her, but nowhere near enough to compel me to share a cubical with Randall again.

My girlfriend Sarah and I are also doing great. We’ve started talking seriously about going on a summer getaway. We haven’t picked a destination yet, but I am partial to the Amalfi Coast. Karen mentioned it once, and it sounded like a dream vacation: a little villa on the crystal blue sea, spending all my time swimming, sunning, or reading. I can’t wait to get away from here and relax!

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.

After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.”

But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger’s message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

“What did he say?” asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, “He said ‘Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn’t dare shoot me.’”

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, “If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?”

The student replied, “Here’s an orange.”

The professor was outraged. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!”

The student then replied, “Okay. I’d tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding…’”

But most days, I feel like this…

I came in an hour early this morning to finish up some work from yesterday because the lawyers give me more than I can handle in a day, which I wouldn’t mind so much if they were more appreciative. At least the compensation makes this job worth it.

I’ve only been at the Fair Oaks Law Firm for two days, but it’s already starting to take a toll on me. This firm sure gets their money’s worth out of their paralegals and interns! I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve worked this hard, and I’m not even working for partner. I don’t know how Karen did it. Although, she is brilliant. She could do anything. I am starting to wish I was Spanish.

When Karen and I were both getting coffee this morning, she asked me if I’d ever been to Europe. Of course I said I hadn’t, and she encouraged me to go. She said she’s always had wonderful experiences and come back rejuvenated and inspired. I’ve begun thinking about how I could afford a trip. Since I was without a job for almost a month, my savings is nearly gone, but I might be able to afford it in a couple months. My new girlfriend and I have been talking about taking a trip together. I think Europe might be a little much for a new relationship, but it might not be in six months or a year. Well, at least it gives me something to think about while I am slaving away at work.